


No secrets

by Yougaythen



Category: Ballum, EastEnders
Genre: Angst, M/M, the Callum v Phil I promised I’d write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24818980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yougaythen/pseuds/Yougaythen
Summary: After the trip to the hospital Ben knew he had to tell CallumA slight continuation from Tuesday 16th June ep
Relationships: Ballum - Relationship, ben mitchell - Relationship, callum highway - Relationship
Kudos: 42





	No secrets

After the trip to the hospital Ben knew he had to tell Callum, not being able to keep it a secret any longer, having to take meds at really specific times and the endless questions left without answers. Ben couldn’t hear anything and admitting that to Callum he knew could break them, his voice whirling around in his head. He couldn’t remember the last thing he properly heard Callum say, but Callum needed to hear these words from Ben. The thought of it slipping from jay too much to comprehend, waiting for him to get back from grabbing food he knew it had to be then, hed make him sit down and be honest with him.

As soon as he arrived in the door Ben was ushering him to the table, needing to be at the same level to completely understand what he was saying, “please just sit” he starts “you know how we were talking earlier about telling the truth, needing to be open with each other, you need to know this from me callum” he's not even noticed in himself that he's crying, tears all too familiar these days “i'm here when your ready” Callum’s saying, Ben’s eyes trying so hard to read through the clouds, “I can't hear you at all, nothing Callum not a thing” taking Ben’s hands into his own “it’s okay Ben we can work through this” “I wasn’t out birthday shopping with Jay today, I was at the hospital, I didn’t mean for him to find out before you it just happened” he breaks off Callum pulling him into a hug. “Do you still love me?” Ben asks pain and worry all over his face. He couldn’t lose Callum, not like this. “Of course I still love you Ben, it doesn’t matter to me if you can hear or not, we will work through this together” 

After a while Callum speaks up ”Tell me how Ben, I thought things were getting better, this was your dad wasnt it?” “We did the job together, dad needed the money to buy the vic, I couldn't let him go alone it was too dangerous, he told me I was off the job but I followed him, danny” he breaks off not wanting to continue “breathe Ben, slow down” “He set someone on me, I had a gun and they took it from me, gave it to danny and he held it against my head and shot it, I-” his words barely audible, before he knows it he's curled up in calum's lap, hands running through his hair. “I just need to go somewhere, and you need to go back to bed” he's telling him for the second time that day. Taking his hand and making sure he was asleep, comfortable and warm, one of Callum’s tops somehow finding its way into his hands, he was at peace at last, calm. 

Heading straight out the door and straight over to Phils hoping to catch him in, he needed his version of what happened as soon as possible, working out what he was going to do moving forward, in terms of their relationship with phil.

Opening the door, accidentally slamming it shut he entered, he was greeted by the sight of Phil in front of him, head in his hands “if your looking for Ben he isn’t here” “well knowI know he’s not, he’s at mine but we really need to talk, get our stories straight because I can’t continue like this Ben’s told me as much as he can without having a full breakdown and now I want to hear your story, why did you do it. Are you even aware of the damage done to him?” “What are you on about?” Phils returning “you know exactly what I’m talking about, this has nothing to do with me or the police I just need to know what support Ben needs, how I can get him out of doing all of this stuff, clearly he’s never going to impress you so he needs to end it now” at this point words just spilling from his mouth “Ben can’t hear a single thing, he can’t hear you talking, the gun, it burst his eardrum, he can’t hear anything Phil, and yet he’s still trying to impress you, do exactly what you want him to do, he’s barely accepted the fact he could only hear certain things and now this all just for you and your dodgy job for your horrible little mate. He’ll never be enough for you will he, never be the hard man Ben that you want to go clean up your messes but I’ll tell you Phil, he’s loyal to those he loves, he cares so much. He ended things with me at Christmas because of you, to protect you, because he thought you needed him more and yet he’s trapped in this endless cycle, he thinks he’s doing the right thing by you but before I left I sent him back to bed, sat with him until the pain went from his face when I knew he’d get some rest even just for a little bit, he’s not sleeping, eating properly, or communicating he’s down all the time and all of this stems back to you-” “-the whole place is scared of you Phil, scared of getting on the wrong side of you but I’m not, I’m not going to let you little me just like my dad did and I’m definitely not letting you do that to Ben anymore because he’s terrified of you and everything you do. It’s over”  
“He know your here telling me all this”  
“Yeah he does actually, told him I had a few things to sort out with you, go through some things no secrets anymore between us, we shared some thoughts and things we were both hiding and that’s how it’s going to continue, no secrets”  
“And you think he can do that, Ben’s lied about pretty much everything in his life one way or another”  
“You don’t get it do you. You really don’t, Ben’s changed, he’s had to, you don’t see the breakdowns, the raised voice because he can’t hear how loud he is, the pain wash upon his face. He's not that same Ben, Phil. I don’t know much about yours or his past, but Ben shuts down every single time we try to talk about it but what we have is special, real and your relationships or lack of may have impacted on how Ben was raised but it took me twenty seven years to realise that how I was treated when I was younger had so many impacts, he’s in denial that any of this is anyone else’s fault except his. Stuart keeping me out until I was almost asleep and then first thing in the morning taking me to school before half the people in the school were even awake just to keep me away from it all, we lived in a toxic house, pretending not to know where I lived on the daily, never had friends round not that I had many but it was so broken Phil.”  
“And you want me to feel sorry for you, I’m not in the mood for this and Ben’s alright so I don’t know why you’re telling me all this”  
“I’m telling you because you need to know how much this is hurting him and don’t you stand there telling me how Ben is alright, he probably couldn’t be worse at the moment, you’ve barely been there for him, other than being in your stupid little jobs then making him deny them so it wont force you into getting caught but this isn’t about getting what you want anymore and Ben isn’t going to be there anymore when you snap your fingers for him. You want to do these dodgy jobs then you do them alone from now on because he’s definitely not going to be doing them with you and you can keep that Danny guy away from us. You aren’t going to get between us anymore, Ben broke things of between us at Christmas because of you and your family issues and yet he barely got recognised for it, he pushed me away and-” he stops wiping the tear formation from under his eyes “- we were both in bits because of you and he’s definitely not perfect but he’s not yours anymore Phil, he’s an adult who has his own mind and you picking him up just for a job then dropping him as soon as it’s done. And we definitely aren’t living in some pub with you. It’s not right anymore for him, for us. You and him are over” he finishes slamming the kitchen door shut as he leaves. Heart racing, mind in a hurricane. He needs to sit down, he’s not sure how he just spilled all that out to him but if he doesn’t sit soon he’ll fall, he’s sure of it. 

Stumbling over to the closest Bench in the square he’s finally somewhat grounded needing a few minutes to think about the events that just took place before heading back to Ben, his head falling into his hands and eyes closing momentarily, he was exhausted to say the least, emotionally and physically just wanting to rest, have a moment of calm. “What are you doing out here” Jay says placing a hand on Callum’s shoulder, the touch bringing him out of his head and back into the square around him “I uh don’t know I just went off to Phil about Ben and I don’t know why I did it, his face he looked like he wanted to hurt me” “he’ll come round” “he won’t though, him and Ben are over and-” “did Ben tell you then? I thought this might happen, he’s been trying to prove to him for years Callum, since he was tiny but nothing works, Phil drops the word proud and then turns around and hates on him, I don’t blame him for dropping him. Now let’s get you home and back to him” 

Once back in the flat alone Jay leaving Callum at the door he returned to Ben, opening the bedroom door slightly, that sleepy face greeting him eyes still sealed shut and his top in hands. He wished he could make him this peaceful all the time. Shuffling back on the bed he curled around Ben taking the smaller’s body into his arms. 

Once properly awake Callum made sure Ben was alright and then they talked, talked through what Callum said and how proud he was of Ben, how much he loved him. Ben knew that he’d made the right decision, not falling for the man who was only out to hurt him, he needed love, care and stability now and if that meant choosing Callum over the man he called his dad then that’s what had to be. They stayed snuggled up for the rest of the day, both exhausted until they inevitably fell asleep together, the calmness that brought to both of them, allowing their minds to settle. 

Callum was right, Ben didn’t deserve to be treated like that by Phil and leaving him was the only option, from there on in there weren’t going to be any more secrets, only the truth, at some point Callum would learn all about Ben’s past and Ben would learn about Callum’s but right now being in the present and making sure that Ben was getting better was their main priority.

**Author's Note:**

> ⭐️Thank you for reading, writing angst really isn’t my strong point so I hope I’ve done it some sort of justice ⭐️


End file.
